Past Demons
by ArtistOfBlue
Summary: Drabble of how Terra feels looking back on her past and Beast Boy.


The day I saw him I felt… many things. How could I let him go again? How could I tell him no?

I spent the day with him. Acting like I didn't know him. I did it well. The other option would be horrible. I couldn't allow myself to remember.

They would never forgive me. Beast Boy wanted me to remember though, I could see that! But that made it even harder.

But if I remembered, I knew the others would think differently from Beast Boy. Robin might understand. He was once in my place. Him and Slade. But then again, he didn't have any powers that he couldn't control.

I hurt Cyborg's best friend. I destroyed his video game buddy, made him incapable of being happy. How could Cyborg forgive that on top of my betrayal?

Starfire… She was so nice and kind towards me. She never showed me bitterness. And then I went towards her soon-to-be boyfriends arch enemy.

And Raven. Raven. We were so alike. Yet… so different. Our cores were the same, but we had totally different ways of showing them. And our powers had a different way of being controlled. So alike, and so opposite. During my time as a Titan we had developed a rocky relationship of understanding and rivalry. We knew we suffered the same type of torment inside, although she had it way worse than I, and had almost identical powers. But our ways of showing this were on opposite sides of the spectrum.

And were the rumors true that Beast Boy and Raven are… interested… in each other? Maybe we had more in common than I previously knew…

Oh Beast Boy. BB. Green kid. You were my best friend. You seemed to understand, and wanted to. More so than Raven. You helped me through more than you could possibly imagine. You came after me after I cut ties, tried to kill you, and after I came back secretly. Why?

I never wanted to hurt anyone. Not in the beginning. I was scared of my curse. You helped me forget. Then I went to Slade. And I ended up doing the exact opposite of what I thought was right. I'm so sorry.

I hope you're happy. I hope you are all happy. I don't know where I would be without you guys. Still working for Slade? Still on the run?

I guess some things never change though. I'm still running and hiding from myself. My past and mistakes.

I'm glad I met you. I'm so glad. I wouldn't change a thing. Not a _thing_ if I had to do anything over. At least not anything that you did. If you were the one that set me down the road I'm on. The road that lead me to Slade, and then this new school girl life, I don't care. As long as I met the five of you. That's what I am happiest about.

Maybe one day I will look back, and try and face my past. But I am terrified. I can't face it.

I hope you're happy with Raven. If you're with Raven. I know Starfire and Robin are finally together. I know they are happy.

I hope you don't think about me often. I don't want to be a burden. And yet… I think I'm too selfish.

I still watch you. I might seem like a stalker… and in a way I am. But I read about you in the papers. Watch you from across the water as you enter the tower. I see you on the news. But I sometimes follow you guys. Check on you. Make sure you're alright. I never get close enough to see emotions on your face. It's too risky. I hope one day I may get close enough without Raven sensing me, Robin seeing me, or you smelling me. I wonder how you feel. You seem happy. That makes me smile.

You were my best friend.

Good bye for now. We might meet again. But then again… I still have these demons to face from my past.

Hopefully when the time is right…

But for now, you will not see me.

Good bye Robin, I have always respected you.

Good bye Cyborg, you were always fun, I enjoyed your huge appetite and gaming skills

Good bye Starfire, thanks for your unusual happiness and joyful attitude towards life.

Good bye Raven. In another life I'm sure we would have been best friends. You have made me think. You are somewhat of an inspiration for me.

Good bye Beast Boy. I loved you. Still do, I think. I'm trying to move on. You are so important to me though. Thank you for not giving up on me. I hope one day I will be able to repay you.

I hope to repay all of you.

_I sighed at these thoughts. Would they ever be worth anything?_


End file.
